Wednesday July 7, 2004 - 10:34PM EDT
Still waiting on the call from MBNA. Starting to get concerned. If they don't call me this week then I am screwed. Been working like crazy on other websites though. I have decided on a hosting solution for my web projects. It has a good price plus good hardware and exactly the type of software I need to resell. Well now that I am done school I am still rather directionless. Thinking about going to grad school for computer animation. Who knows.
Wednesday July 7, 2004 - 1:21PM EDT
Feeling good for once which is strange. Maybe its the fact that I am back to regular lifting. Making good progress on websites. I still think I'll be on target with the end of August to have the major sites up and running. Not much to say. New movies came out so I need to see them. Can't wait to implement the cell phone posting feature. I was thinking also that I could create a small program to parse MMS messages from cell phones and turn them into posts. Well time to work on websites.
Wednesday July 7, 2004 - 1:24AM EDT
I looked up WML pages today. It is definately possible to create a page accessible by mobile cell phone browser that will allow me to update posts from my cell phone. In fact it looks pretty easy to do. I have all these baby flies around. That is what happens when you leave fruit to rot in the summer on the counter.
Been thinking about Capitalism and its limits. Does the Capitalist system work only when maarginalizing the majority of the population to prop up the highest levels? I don't know, it sure seems that way though but I am not ready to take that stance yet. What powers Capitalism is consumerism. Which when you think about it is very new to human societies. What I mean is that today's rampant consumerism dwarfs the small town economies of the past. Simply due to the massive population we now have on Earth. Ultamitely I think that is the major problem with today's soceity. Sure there is a whole list of things, but at the top is consumerism. We have managed to take on many other issues but consumerism is not seen as a problem, in fact it is championed. All things are built around humans consuming resources. Problem is that when this idea developed I think people thought the resources of the earth were essentially unlimited. Over hundreds of years we have come to realize that resources are finite but still continue with unabated consumerism. There is some small flecks of hope with recyling and renewable energy. But the problem is at the core of our society and thinking. All humans for the most part use something and throw it away. They throw it away as if it disappears into nothingness. You cannot blame an individual completely because often times there is no reasonable choice. Current human society is predicated on the rampant consumption of resources. If that statement seems incomplete then one is on the right track. That is exactly what is wrong, consumerism is incomplete. It is one way. There is very little in the way of recipricol action. I ask myself this question, it is a question that no one asks but that everyone knows, a question that is ever-present but unrecognized. Can the resources of planet earth support human life at the highest levels of living if everyone on earth lived at those levels? That may seem unrecognizable and weird but it is the question that everyone has. More simply the question is; Is there enough?We all know it, that is why we hoard things, it is why we have come up with the concept of property. In honesty we may never know if there is enough even if we spread across the universe we may still hoard. But this Earth is rare as far as we know and so many things get put ahead of that. As long as humans live with the idea that there is not enough then the problems of today will always be with us. A fundamental change in human thinking must occur. The question needs to change to. How do we make it enough? Similar questions but vastly different consequences. Humans need to assume that we have the ability to use our intelligence to overcome the frailties of our body and the planet. Yes there are those out there who pervert this idea into one of arrogance and domination. But progression under arrogance and domination has limits. I don't know if the earth can support all humans at the highest levels of living. Technology is always the great equalizer, the trump card. If technology can keep up and sustain us then humans may be able to continue living as they do now. But as we live now, technology may not advance fast enough to overcome the problems we will face. However the only way to advance technology faster is to live a different way, outside of miraculous advances by a few extraordinary humans, we must change the fundamental way in which our soceity is structured to survive. I say all this but also realize that we may survive at some level while continuing our current ways. But I strive for a higher level, the status-quo is status-garbage. Someone needs to lead humans in a new direction. Sometimes I don't understand the human preoccupation with those human ideas manifested of the human mind. Religion comes to mind. Things that as a whole in common use fly in the face of all practicality. The deriliction and neglect of practical simple ideas in order to uphold large complex principles that are to the detriment of everybody confuses me in most cases. There are strong psycological factors at work. A history and repeated pattern that is hard to break. So much to think about. I am not even clear on most of it and still am thinking all this stuff over. When I have a plan I will go out in a direction and see what happens.
Tuesday July 6, 2004 - 7:26PM EDT
The episode of the Simpsons that parodies The Prisoner is on right now. Funny episode, it is even funnier after you watch The Prisoner ande understand all the references. Still waiting to hear back on MBNA. Still looks good though, but waiting for official word. Other than that, progress on websites is being made. Just about finished the last major section to one site. Still have many other sites to work on however. Holy fuck I need something interesting to say, this daily rigamarole has got to go. On a side note, I think my liver has stabilized. I can sit without discomfort again which is good.
Tuesday July 6, 2004 - 1:37AM EDT
The title is in reference to Marvel vs. Capcom video game. Anyway, Spiderman-2 was freaking awesome. It was a good movie, can't wait for 3. The good part about these Spiderman movies is that it has years of good comic story to draw from. They could make 30 of these movies and they could never get old. The Spiderman and X-MEN movies have been the best of all the new marvel movies. I hope they never stop making them. Superman is corny and they screwed up the last few Batman movies. Though there is a new Batman movie coming out. They could probably never make another Superman movie, the story is to well known and in reality the comic never had any really good plotlines. Even when the killed Superman it was kinda stupid. Batman on the other hand had better stories but the last few movies ruined the franchise, lets hope they return to the dark stories the dark knight thrives in. My favorite comic characters are Spiderman, The Incredible Hulk and Batman. I used to like Superman briefly, but then I realized he was a punk who had it to easy. I have a small collection of Spiderman comics, the most expensive one is worth maybe 7 dollars. There are so many good villians in Spiderman comics. I wonder which one they will show next. Lizardman, Venom, Carnage, Kraven, Mysterio. I think a Venom story would be good, but they would probably need to change it from a space symbiote to a genetically engineered symbiote.
I really like the new posting engine I put together. It is clean and neat. Looks good and is easy to manage. It is also very simple. I'll upgrade with some extra features soon. Like the ability to add pictures to a post and posting from cell phone web browser. Also I'll organize the log page a little better.
Monday July 5, 2004 - 6:07PM EDT
Well, I went fishing. I was great. I caught one fish and Matt caught one. Mehdi caught 5. I'll go fishing again soon, I want to reel in a big one. On a side note, I returned my fishing rod and reel and got a better one. That should help me catch more, I hope.
I find out whether I got the job at MBNA on Tuesday. I need that job I am just about broke. Other than that I got lots of websites to work on. I have nothing else to say
Saturday July 3, 2004 - 2:59PM EDT
Going fishing on Sunday. I want to see Spiderman-2, looks good. Well, good enough for a Spiderman fan. Recently just got a new laptop, actually it is the same laptop but with a slightly larger screen and 100mhz faster. Also it has built in 802.11b card. There is something weird though about the laptop, the color of the screen is really bright. All the colors are lighter than usual. But I just downloaded the updated drivers for the video card and it has a color changer setting. So now I set the color to something more sensible
Thursday July 1, 2004 - 8:32PM EDT
That title has more meaning than I can think. First off I got my new cell phone and the number ported today. Second I got the blogging engine complete for the site. Lastly but most importantly is that I got an interview for a ASP programming position. I am excited, maybe I will finally get a true challenge with my work. Also I am finished school for good. A college grad. It really doesn't feel any different, sort of anti-climactic. Now I can finnally focus on websites after 5 years of head spinning and wheel slipping my focus is not on some class and a stupid paper. My learning will never stop that is for sure but now I can go at my own pace.
I have to say that I am rather proud of this blogging engine. It looks good and only took me a short amount of time to do. I need sleep to prepare for my interview.
Tuesday June 29, 2004 - 1:29AM EDT
Another day. Its raining right now. Two more days of class then I will be finished school for good.
I ordered a new cell phone from ATT wireless. Should come sometime today in the afternoon. I haven't lifted in a couple of days, I need to.
I hate not lifting, it makes me feel like crap. Assesment tests on Thursday, and hopefully and interview shortly after that. I need that job to survive and
hopefully as a launching pad to California then Japan then the Moon then Mars Then extrasolar destinations. I got nothing to say. I clearly watch too much TV and movies, ah well.
Going fishin soon I hope, New Jersey. I have been obsessively tracking my phone FedEx package all day. Currently it is in transit from Dallas, Texas. I don't know what to do
with myself.
Sunday June 27, 2004 - 3:29AM EDT
Pathetic, that is the only way to describe me, loser also comes to mind. Always when I go to sleep,
I hope I don't wake up. This is consistent every night from senior year of high school until now. Most days I dread waking up.
Only 23 years and I am tired of living, I just want to die. Don't have the will or guts to take my own life but people die everyday in
the most random ways, maybe that will be me next. Time for sleep.
Thursday June 24, 2004 - 8:49PM EDT
So bored right now. Being bored though doesn't mean I have nothing to do,
there is loads to do lack of motivation would be the better description.
Lack of motivation due to lack of results could even describe it. Nothing
interesting is going on. I think two lesbians have moved into the apartment
below me. That isn't really exciting just a note, somehow society tells
me that I should make a bigger deal out of it but I don't get it, their
lesbians and... Just got an IM that one of my friends is suppose to be on
Graham Norton Effect. I am not sure in what capacity but I'll probably catch
it later tonight.
Went to Ralph Nader's website for
his campaign. Wow this guy has good stuff, he actually takes positions on
issues that are important to the average American. I particularly like the
tidbit on how 100 million people who can vote don't vote, not suprising
but it highlights an important issue. Media dominates everything and only
a few people dominate the media. I wonder how Nader would fair with the
monetary backing that the Democrats and Republicans have. If Nader was all
over TV as those two parties are would things be different? Perot showed
us that with money you can make an awful lot of noise. That guy got 20%.
Nader is getting about 3% right now, if he had the money and the media presence
that the other parties have it makes me wonder. Nader can barely even get
on the ballot for president which is insane. How in the hell are you going
to keep a person like him of the ballot. The requirement for petition signatures
to get on a ballot in some states is outrageous. With Dems and Reps requiring
only something like 2,000 signature and independents requiring 20,000. We
have about 4 months to the election day and if I could somehow do something
to launch Nader into the whitehouse I would, but I don't know, there seems
to be nothing. Maybe that is the wrong type of thinking, but frankly I don't
know what else to think. Why is voting such a difficult thing to do. I never
understood the premise that one could not go to any voting station whereever
they are an vote for the president. That doesn't make sennse to me, you
have to physically be in a specific place to vote. Shit in this day and
age when the hell does anyone ever have to be in a specific place to do
anything. Then there is those absentee ballots crap. Tell me we are not
still using the mail system to vote long distances. We use email for everything
else. We can't somehow create an email voting system that is more efficient
and secure than the paper garbage we use today.
Report just came out today on internet connectedness of countries. The United
States is not in the top 10. How can the richest country in the world not
lead in Internet access! We freaking invented the Internet!
How do you bring Internet access to the masses without government subsidies?
Can Wi-Fi be effetice enough to provide whole neighboorhoods with cheap
internet access. Maybe this is something I need to investigate. Corporations
are throwing away tons of old computers that could feasibly be converted
to "Internet Terminals". Maybe this is something I should look into, make
it my personal mission. To provide the city of Philadelphia and the surrounding
metropolitan areas with high-speed internet access. Get old computers from
businesses, convert them into cheap "Internet Terminals" with Linux or FreeBSD
opertating systems. Somehow raise money to install a city wide high-speed
wireless network. Spokane is the first to do it, albeit on a limited scale.
It can be done. No one is just seriously looking at it. It should be done,
everyone should have internet access. Make it a part of their everyday life.
I must formulate a plan. Say I have a goal to have everyone in Philadelphia
and the surround metropolitan areas (and maybe suburbs) connected to the
Internet in 5 Years. Maybe I could take a page from Japan's telecom industry,
specifically their i-mode cell phone service and their microbilling strategy.
Maybe to support to running of the network you use the network for commerce
and microbill access. Encourage use of the wireless network for something
other than Internet browsing. That would be key, really use the Internet
for something useful beyond the typical globa e-commerce and browsing. Location
specific service really are going to be the next wave of Internet applications,
to use the Internet for your immediate area. As a facillitor of information
in your own neighborhood. Such a thing is overshadowed by the large national
and international websites. Although the internet makes it much easier for
the little guys to compete the larger sites have successfully pushed out
the little people in many places on the Internet. Location specific services
are one of the few things that can trump the big guys. Having a personal
connection to the neighborhood that large entities cannot get will be key.
It may signify the rise of the mom and pop operation once again, maybe that
is pusing it. But smaller local operations that can take advantage of the
Internet would have a advantage over large entities. I think just being
geographically closer is a big advantage. Hmmmm maybe that is why there
is such a discrepency in Internet use in the United States. Maybe the higher-ups
know that the Internet could be the great equalizer and allowing everyone
to take advantage of it would not be a good thing for them. Ehh I think
I am going to far with that line of thinking perhaps. Well I am going to
think about this, and see if I can do it.
Tuesday June 22, 2004 - 12:01AM EDT
Holy freaking snit!!! I just saw someone crash into Wendy's on Lancaster
Ave. A minivan driving ahead of me suddenly clipped the curb slowed down
then swerved and plowed into the side of the Wendy's. It almost went through
the window. As I drove by I saw a woman who looked completely out of it.
OK so I didn't stop and check to see if she was ok but I did call the police.
It would have been more fun to see the car go through the window. I didn't
see any blood and she wasn't going that fast so I don't think anyone was
hurt.
Monday June 14, 2004 - 1:01AM EDT
Drunk, doesn't even numb the pain. Still feel it. Need hard drugs, prescription
narcotics? Been waking up crying lately, pretty often a few times a week
now. Weird I guess. Need to focus on websites, but I can't, it is going
to ruin me.
Sunday June 13, 2004 - 1:18AM EDT
To many thoughts to type. I could serve no thought justice by bastardizing
it into incomplete sentences and unfinished paragraphs. Maybe I'll try.
Been thinking about neural networks recently. Funny thing, before I even
knew what neural networks were I would think about how the brain and intelligence
is really just an amalgam of weighted probability paths interlinked together.
That there is something as true randomness and that is what makes us go.
Human mind is just a collection of inborn and created logical paths weighted
by learned an inate factors. I need to study more about nueral networks
but as I understand right now neural networks are logic paths defined by
weighted inputs affecting raw inputs all interconnected. So I guess I wasn't
that far off. But I suck at mathematics and everything like that is always
explained in mathematical terms, I wonder if my non-mathmetical representations
in my head are just plain wrong when it comes to this stuff. Since I rarely
see it any other way except as some equation. Tired now, time for sleep.
Saturday June 12, 2004 - 12:00AM EDT
I got nothing to say.
Wednesday June 9, 2004 - 12:00AM EDT
Really need to get this blogging engine working. It is 5am and this class
is pissing me off. It monopolizes all my time. Look I am the most passive
radical there can be. Seems like an oxymoron right. Well that would be accurate
I am a passive radical. I detest the system, I want a new one by any means
neccessary. Usually what that means for me is impractical intellectual premises
that only super geniuses could even attempt. Individual acheivement has
the ability to trump anything in my mind, it is only impractical because
your idea of impractical is ludicrous. I would say I definately look down
on all humans in general and view most of their thoughts with the exception
of particle physics as foolish diversions. I guess I don't experience life
in the same context as the majority. I keep looking at aligment over history
with certain modes of thinking by people and its subsequent abandonement
and wonder why they ever aligned themselves in the first place. Sure it
is a bit more complex than that, but for sure there is a tendency to seek
stability instead of accepting the relative inheirent instability of the
universe. I never am successful in explaining personal philosophy or resons
for things to others becuase of, first, lack of clarity/organization in
my language when speaking and two, I don't draw from the shared high level
foundation of logic that can be said to be common to most humans. When I
say high level, I mean above biological needs, those things which have extended
from biological needs. Like the desire for wealth as an extension of a survival
instinct. Often time people ask why and I give them such a simplistic answer
that they don't understand, like that of a child, maybe I never really abandoned
such childlike intuition. Seems to me that in most cases anything beyond
my simple answer is superflous and just for personal amusement. Ah well,
time to finish more schoolwork.
Tuesday June 8, 2004 - 12:00AM EDT
Way to much schoolwork, and I am falling behind again in websites. There
should be three I should be focusing on and I am not finding the time to
work substantially on them. By the end of August I need to have most of
these sites completed and operating if I am to survive. By the end of the
year I need to by drawing a steady albeit meager income from these sites.
Fuck I am screwed.
Tuesday June 8, 2004 - 12:00AM EDT
Still been getting two movies a day. Class is getting annoying, but only
a few more weeks then I will be done for good. Making progress on websites.
I got nothing to say.
Sunday June 6, 2004 - 12:00AM EDT
Getting depressed again. It comes and goes, but it is getting more frequent.
I should be able to finish this last month of school without issue, but
my websites are another story. I can realiably do two or three. But beyond
that is sketchy with my mood swings getting so frequent. I got nothing,
I am so pathetic. Maybe I will just curl up in a ball and die.
Sunday June 6, 2004 - 12:00AM EDT
Well, Ronald Regan has passed. I just hope there isn't some flattering
restrospective in the media that honors his presidency. The Regan years
(continuing with Bush I) just about ruined the country. I just hope they
just leave him alone and not twist the story of his presidency into something
that was good for the country. My god the Clinton years were good for the
country. Even the elitest conservatives can't say they didn't do well under
the Clinton administration. Maybe they should amend the constitution to
say that sons of presidents can't become presidents until 20 years later.
Regardless of what people there has to be psychological factors that make
the sons do things with direct realationships to their fathers' term. No
more polotik for now.
I just got the urge to study the mating habits of animals, all animals except
humans. Since I am already familiar with them. I always hate when people
compare humans to animals that are uneducated on such animals. Only because
they tend to compare people to the animal(s) that satisfy whatever reasoning
they put forth and use such comparisons as blanket coverage to all animals.
The excuse that goes something like, that is how nature is, or something
like that sickens me. Someting else that just came to mind is ideas of female
dominated society. Often times such manifestations simply transplant, women
into men's roles and change nothing about actual social structure. Seems
to me that for an accurate depiction of female dominated society one would
have to change the social structure somewhat. There is actualy a tribe of
people that live in a female dominated society, not sure where, but I do
remember that the structure of things were different, sometimes radically.
Also is the example of the Bonobo chimpanzee, they are a female dominated
society. But I need more study before I say anything more. Here is a little
tidbit I enjoy, from a Scientific America article
In the bonobo group, it was the females that approached the honey first.
After having engaged in some GG rubbing, they would feed together, taking
turns with virtually no competition between them. The male might make as
many charging displays as he wanted; the females were not intimidated and
ignored the commotion.
Just a small piece and when considering other factors in Bonobo society
one should not read into that tidbit to much or draw any large conclusions.