I hope this bitch dies soon - comments(0)
Friday June 3, 2005 - 11:48AM EDT
This is disgusting - full article.. What the fuck. I'd pee in her O.J. if I was a patient that got screwed.
This is disgusting - full article.. What the fuck. I'd pee in her O.J. if I was a patient that got screwed.
So msn puts up certain memebers blog links on the front page of their site. I clicked on a few because I was curious. What a freaking mistake. I am never read such boring drivel. The blogs are the shallow products of a ultra-trendy lifestyle. They read like pathetic advertisements for what lifestyle is in right now for whatever age group the blogger is. They talk about tiger balm, running with the sunday group and body image problems just to name a few of the mundane and ultra-bland topics of the self-reighteous polemically aligned modern uber hipster. Here are some links.
Trendy Slut #1
Predictable Iconoclast #2
Empty Minded Fraidy Cat #3
Paranoid Follower #4
The problem with these blogs is that they lack realism. The rawness of emmotion. They all run through a filter. I don't know what these people are really thinking. I just know what they are supposed to be thinking. As for me right, now I am thinking that there is no one in this office that I want to do right now and I lament that fact. I'm hungry right now too.
Almost finished transferring and organizing my files on my new powerbook and my existing desktop PC. Soon I will be able to retire that old crappy laptop. I am hoping the faster computers will increase productivity when doing website work and programmming. I just need to transfer my financial info the the desktop, import some old emails onto the new laptop and backup the downloaded software from the old laptop. All my files are much more organized on the new computers.
I'll try and finish the flash website this weekend. Then I have a bunch of other things to work through.
Crap ass crappy life.
Maybe I should go take more pictures of fucking bees. Yeah, that is worthwhile. Just call me beetographer so I can pick my ass and eat honey like that fat little bear winnie-the-pooh. Thats what I will do. Become a fat little stuffed bear who eats honey and is not afraid of bees. This is bullshit, I am pouding on the keyboard blogging at work about this crap. Like I said before, way past rock bottom.
I'm 24. I'm getting old. Before I know it I will be 30 and my life will be over. 6 years left. Fuck, my life is already over. What a freaking failure. I'm not a man, I am a little kid. This is garbage. What the fuck. I'm way below rock bottom. I am approaching the molten core of the earth. What am I going to do today after work? Nothing. Stare into space. And if I try to do something it will be thwarted. The kibosh will be put on it. My whole life is a fucking kibosh. An excersise in restraint and futility.
I was watching the movie The Rainmaker yesterday. Solid movie by the way, as is usually Grisham novels that become movies. It made a comment about malpractice insurance. Today I found an article going over the same topic and there was a comment in it that rang in tune with a comment in the movie. Today there is this notion promoted that malpractice insurance is so high because of juries awarding too much money too many times in malpratice lawsuits. Both the movie and a economist quoted in the article downlplayed that notion. I don't know nearly enough about the situation to take any type of strong educated stance but I would admit that prior to the article and the movie I would have went with the notion of too many jury awards as a reason for high maltpractice insurance. I can't say for sure, but I think some doctors also believe that. Basically they are just looking for ways to pay less insurance and there is some evidence that jury caps on malpractice awards does help so they go to these states that have caps and insurance companies point it out as a valid way to deal with the problem. But really the only one it really helps is the insurance companies, there is no guarantee for the doctors that rates, set by the insurance companies, will be lower. The more I think about it the more I start to smell rotten fish. Insurance is a dastardly business. Whether it be healthcare or auto or something else insurance companies have to somehow make money when the ever present threat looms of massive payments. The intrinsic structure of insurance is not supportive of its concept of assisting people when they are in trouble. In fact it would be in the best benefit of the insurance company to do just the opposite. Screw people at every turn. There is no insurance company in existence that exists for the benefit of its customers. The nature of their business dictates otherwise, even though they like to promote themselves to the contrary. I think there probably has to be change in the way insurance is run for those companies to lower rates. Capping settlements is a one-sided solution. Besides the problem is much larger than just insurance. Problems with insurance companies are a thick web. Manufacturers of medical equipment, pharmaceutical companies and testing labs all play a part. How does healthcare spiral out of control?
In its purest form medicine is supposed to be an altruistic undertaking. But it almost never is. Of all the things attached to profit and personal gain, medicine is one of the most brutal couplings. How can anyone champion the pricelessness of human life when we all subscribe (willingly and unwillingly) to a system in which human life does have a monetary value. When will the day come that a drug company doesn't make medicine for profit but simply to cure. Don't give me that what I just said is idealistic bullshit. It is the distorted sense of reality that has made what we call realism a tradgedy. I want to figure out the numbers eventually. Where does the money go? Where are the resources being sent? Is it really the case that there isn't enough for everyone? Are people hoarding? Is the system so convoluted and inefficient that resources simply go unused? Is the answer simpler than we think? Has anyone really tried to take apart the system and figure out where the money and reasources go? That last question is key. I don't think it has been done. Mainly because it needs to be done on such a large scale, but it is only done in smaller divisions. I would make a analogy to the way large companies departments always lack efficient inter-department communication skills. And so called leaders designed to facillitate such and understand the big picture are pretenders. Their idea of big picture is woefully inadaquate and uncircumpsect. Furthermore this inadaquacy proliferates and is even championed resulting in a vicious cycle. Even those who seek to do "right" or "good" can be guilty of the same narrow focus. This criticism has no prejudices and can be leveled against anyone regardless of alignment to cause.
I am hungry time for lunch.
Thinking that the majority of people on this planet can't possibly look at the current state of society and their lives and be content with it. And fuck those who say that it won't happen.
Fuck I had another blog entry erased by the back button. I went over some key stuff too. Recap. Mark Felt should not be criticized especially by crooked politicians. Their criticism tells me that the only thing they are interested in is keeping their little fraternity together that hides the truth from the public and shelters their sordid dealings.
I want to live like Kramer from Seinfeld. Doing odd things for the hell of it and nothing more. Like move to L.A. for a few months.
Went to Wawa tonight, which by the way I will always have time for runs to. I need to drink more and be more morose.
Music is still playing in the background.
8:15pm on a warm spring evening it is still light outside and inside here I am sitting filled with a naseuating energy going stir crazy. The music from my massive mp3 collection serves as the background music to this soul grinding situation. Sure I have things to do but not the impetus to do them. I know that tomorrow I'll wake up and drag myself to a job that I don't dislike only because there is nothing else to do. But job aside that is not it. Job or no job it I am still in the same boat. One boat has more cash then the other, sometimes. I'm running over the projects and various things I have to do in my head and it seems like a meaningless mishmash of delusions, illusions and crack rock. Forget the fact that the past few days I've had wicked ass migraines. Which coincedentatly I read that extremem temperature changes is often cited as a trigger for migraines for a lot of people. It got really warm all of a sudden from 60 to 80 degree weather. I don't think it even matters whether I take the job or not. It will be the same empty directionless bullshit as always. Maybe I will take the job and just build up a stash of cash to blow it on a world tour after a year or so. Japan, China, Australia, Europe. Learn a bunch of languages (i've always wanted to learn french). Get material for movies. High speed internet world-wide means that I will be able to continue with my various side projects regardless. Maybe I just need to give a little bit here and get a lot later. This is all dependent on getting a considerable salary from them. If I do then I'll probably take it. It being close to my house is a big plus. There is almost no commute and that leaves lots of time for stuff. Also I would get paid time off. And I would get good experience with certain web technologies. What else am I going to do? Sit on my ass for another year while my projects progress just as slowly. Well, tomorrow will be the day that I settle everything. 100k a year here I come. Yeah right.
I just came across this shocking article.
Amazon.com outraged some customers in September 2000 after one buyer deleted the electronic tags on his computer that identified him as a regular customer and noticed the price of a DVD changed from $26.24 to $22.74. The company said it was the result of a random price test and offered to refund buyers who paid the higher prices. - full article
Holy freaking shit. How in the hell can that be legal. It is like not having price tags on anything in a store and the salesman deciding how much he is going to charge you based on your look. This is done anyway, but it is not widepsread and there are standards that we are used to. Things are the same price regardless of who you are. That may not apply to everything all the time. But things like DVDs, come on.
In other news, I think I have a idea to sort of compromise on this work thing. I don't think I will take the full-time position but I think I can still do contract work for them offsite. It would be me more time actually doing stuff and not sitting in the office twiddling my thumbs so much. All while providing the freedom of not being in an office everyday. I'll run it by them tomorrow to see what they think. I want a higher rate though, but because I am bound to that consulting company it will be virtually impossible to get it. $25/hr is a joke for the work I am doing. This isn't unskilled BS work. It may be basic but you still have to have a pretty decent web-development technology knowledge to get stuff done. I find it easy and unchallenging but people get paid more for doing it. I don't know, I'll figure everything out tomorrow.
Well, an odd thing happened today. I was offered a full-time job from the company I am contracting for. I have to think about it. I might be nice to have a steady job. But then again since when do I like a steady job. I'll mull it over, but I am leaning towards not taking it. I don't want to be chained to a desk until absolutely neccessary. I think I need to give more time to the projects I am working on.
In other news my life still sucks ass.
Second ultamite game. My legs were much fresher tonight but I wasn't agressive enough. I let some high schooler beat me on three seperate occasions and dropped three key scores that I normally would have gotten easily. It is only preseason so I hope to be in top form by the 14th when the regular season starts. Definately conserved my energy more today though and had some good defenses. Although I did let the team get beat deep. I feel as though anytime I am on the field we should never get beat deep as I am always the fastest man on the pitch. Lack of agressiveness hurt my play and the team today. I'll do better next time. I have my legs back and I am being smarter in my deep runs. I just need to take it up a notch when it comes to agressiveness. No one should ever beat me for a disc.
I just had a kick ass blog post and I hit the back button and erased it. FUCK!!! I need to implement the autosaving function. FUCK. Ok I will do a quick recap. Damn it was funny as hell too. Talked about how I hate human tradgedy stories and how they hilight the hipocrosy of mankind. In other words I usually don't give a fuck who died when for whatever righteous or heinous reason unless I know them personally and even then it is going to be a crap shoot for whether I give a damn. I went over how originally buddhism was agnostic and had no mention of dieties and esoteric practices where at a minimum. In other words it wasn't a religion in our sense of believe in ultamite creators or gods that we have today. It was merely a way of looking at life and detaching oneself from what is ultamitely meaningless existence on this world to gain true freedom. But all that wacky ass god stuff was added later by people who didn't have shit else to do besides picking their asses. Then I covered a few sentences on how Christianity has probably been twisted in much the same was as Buddhism. Oh yeah I mentioned how Mohhamed, the founder of Islam spread it mainly through force and violence. So from there I am here. Which brings me to how in the hell did 3 major religions all come from the same area of the world. That shit is fucked up. Even hinduism and buddism are close to that same area but not really. Anyway, Judaism, Christianity and Islam all come from the same region of the world. How in the fuck does the rest of the world let three punk as religions dominate. What kind of gansta shit is that. How come the Native American relgions couldn't dominate. Oh wait they were all murdered by European explorers. Murdered is harsh, because really disease did a good amount of them in anyway. Do I dare conjecture that they were advancements in human thought. Sure they were, to an extent, which we should have passed by now, but apparently we haven't. Here is my timeline of human thought progression. There are only three stages so bare with me.
Stage 1: What the fuck was that! - this stage starts from the emergence of the homo-sapien up until cro-magnon man. Basically the world around us is a mystery and we are trying to come up with ways to explain it.
Stage 2: Yo man it was that invisible dude in the sky! - This stage is from Cro-Magnon man all the way through the late 1800's. This stage describes the grotequeries of religion throughout the ages to reason with everything we didn't have a clue about before.
Stage 3: Shit Happens. - We are currently in the transitional period to this stage. The majority of mans still thinks it is the invisible dude in the sky although deep down they know it not to be truth, but merely a psychological crutch. The full transition will hopefully take place in the next 100 years with a few scragglers who will never move into this stage. This stage basically says nothing and presupposed nothing. We've just figured out that it ain't the invisible dude in the sky.
Damn that isn't even that funny, mainly because it is true. Damn humans and their invisible creatures. I really can't fathom how someone subscribes to such nonsense in one area yet will dismiss nonsense in another area as nonsense. If that makes sense to you, welcome to the dark side. Almost finished transfering all my data and programs to the new computer. It will be tight. Especially once I get the RAM upgrade. Holy shit what the fuck am I talking about RAM for. HOLY SHIT, what time is it. Yet I am still typing. FUCK!!!! No I didn't yell out loud.
This is pathetic, freaking pathetic. Nothing I can do either. This is bullshit. I'm sick of this garbage. What the fuck do I do. Haven't I've been patient enough. I may be an insesitive asshole most times but got dammit I haven't killed anyone yet, I almost always tell the truth, I haven't even been a jerk to a woman yet. I'm not speaking as if I am looking to change those things, I wouldn't know how anyway. Yeah I would who am I kidding. I feel like walking up to the next person I see and punching them in the face. Who am I kidding I'd never do that. I don't even get mad when people cut me off on the road. I just add them to my if I ever get the chance to make a decision on whether you live or die I'd choose the latter list. Crap it is time for sleep.
I've been in the house all day since I woke up at 9:30 am learning flash and trying to finish up a website. This is how it always happens though when I learn something new. There is an intial breaking in period at which I work for hours and hours getting very little done just trying to understand the interface. After one of two sessions I usually have a basic understanding of how the new things work. It will take about a week for me to get comfortable and about a month before I become proficient. Then after a few months of regular practice I am usually pretty good, expert level one could say. The problem is that it grates my mind, especially the first step. I lose touch with reality and I don't know what is real or not for a while. Also it gets hard for me to stop working in that initial period. I could work for 24 hrs straight sometimes and even longer if I don't have anything else to do.
Been working on learning Flash all day and coming up ideas for a website. Took me all day to come up with a good idea. Now the part of implementation comes. I got through about 100 pages today of the flash book and I still need to learn a few more things before I can implement this website. It will be pretty basic so I just need to know a few things. I hope to get through what I need in the book tonight and finish up the site tomorrow.
Now that I am a full fledged user of Mac OSX. Fuck why am I blogging at this time on sunday night. Is my life this pathetic. And I am talking about computer operating systems. I need a freaking drink. I did add three more pictures to the banner at the top of the webpage. Two pictures of a bee that I took today, and a picture of the Helix Nebula that is supposed to be the best picture of a celestial object ever taken.
I had my first ultamite game yesterday. We have a really good team even though we lost by one point. I had a sluggish game. I didn't have my legs as I haven't been running at all. Jumpping rope is much different from running. Although I had lungs because I could still sprint full speed while most others seemed a bit tired at the end of the game. I need to start running to get my speed back. My legs felt heavy the whole game. I wasn't light on my feet and didn't have the quick first burst. I had some good plays but I also had some bad plays
One thing I really like about this new laptop is that it is operates almost silently. The ambient noise from the room covers up any sound. My other laptop was loud as hell. The fan was on constantly and it was really loud.
Article 9 = 20. What does that mean. 9lbs of marijuna equals 20 years in an Indonesian prison. That is insanity. Didn't a former Dallas Cowboy get caught with a truckload of Marijuna, twice. He only got 2 years or something like that. Even if she did smuggle it in, which she claims she didn't 20 years is fucking ludicrous. Ok, so there are probably much worse injustices, but when such an injustice is in public eye you can't stand there and let it go. There is no way Autralia will let her serve 20 years in prison. Unless there is something more sinister going on here. I have no tolerance for overly strict penal codes. Some of the punishments for stupid little things are ridiculous. California 3 strikes law being a prime example. Who ever came up with the bright idea of that anyway, some goes for prisons. Crimes like theft and smuggling are the fault of a defunct system and society, not the person. Murder (i'd include malicious brutality that doesn't lead to death but critical injuries with that) and sex crimes are the only things I can think of at the moment that can have the least to do with the system and society, and deserve to be dealt with harshly. I already went over this too, sort of. Negative and positive reinforcement, damn what the hell is going on
Remember that thing with that kid who got sentenced to 20 lashes with the a cane in Singapore for vandalizing cars. That is totally different from this, that was hilarious.
I've been reading more about this case and have come to the conclusion that the U.S.judicial system has to be by far the best in the world. It may still suck, but people do try to improve it all the time. Like the recent DNA evidence presented in many cases of past convictions. There is a documentary about it. The Indonesian system doesn't even sound remotely fair(based on the quick research I have done). I have also come to the conclusion that when it comes to government you can't be one sided. You can't either love it or hate it. Recognize its good things but don't let that compel you to be a gung-ho supporter. You have to criticize and dissect every part of the system you love or it will eat you, like Tyson wanted to eat children.
There are many arguements in the computer world about who came up with what first and who is ripping off who. The problem with most of these arguements is that the people having them usually don't have the in depth knowledge of computer history to make a legitimate claims. Lost in the mainstream computer world are the countless ideas that never saw public exhibition but that the insiders were always aware of. There are so many ideas out there, new and old that people aren't aware of until some big company comes along and puts it on display. Or it just happens to blow up for whatever reasons. Although it may seem contrary to the fact somtimes the fact is that the computer world is all about sharing. There is a saying that goes something like: A good programmer writes his own code, a great programmer uses someone elses. If someone else already did it there is no need to do it again (in a lost of cases). What happens then is that most if not all programs written are evolved from previous applications. Either throuhg use of the actual code or the ideas contained within the app. So it is difficult to accuse a program of ripping off another since that is the nature of programming. There are definately clear cut cases where a program blatantly steals source code and call it its own (CherryOS) but there are more cases where ideas presented by a program are copied or improved upon by another. This is one of the reasons software patents don't make any sense. Because patents were made for ideas translated into tangible objects. Tangible objects that had inner workings that are fairly complex and hard to duplicate. If you could make something do the same thing but in a different way then your wouldn't infringe on the patent. However patenting software doesn't make a whole lot of sense in my opinion. Because software isn't exactly tangible, even when considering it in the form of a file. It is still always an idea. Copyrights protect the source code but patenting the logic in your source code is ludicrous. The amount of complexity in software logic can be immense, which an infinite number of ways to do things. So identifying software patent infrigement is a gross judgment call. It always baffled me that large software companies hold so many software patents. Maybe it would make sense when it came to hardware programming but that stuff is more tangible than higher level software programming. Someone could look at Windows and duplicates it functionality exactly without every infriging on a patent. So I don't know what patents do. What does come to mind is the LZW compression patent (.gif files). Basically it is a patent of a mathematically technique an algorithm. That is fucking senseless. If people patented mathematical techniques our math books would have nothing in them. Algorithms should never be patented. Whoever came up with the idea of patenting software must have been one conceited mofo. They are ignoring all the "free" knowldge they aqcuired to make the fucking algorithm and saying, "even though the knowledge it took to make this was free, I am going to charge people for it anyway". It is a strange disconnect that I think had something to do with the rise of the consumption of non-tangible things. People want to apply the same standards they do to tangible objects to non-tangible ones and it is fucking things up. Wait a minute, I already went over this. The rise of the computer age and digital copies being different from traditional physical copies. Damn I am repeating myself, that is no good.
I've actually had some things to do at work recently. Meaning a dearth of blog posts. Almost done transfering all my data and setting up the software on my new powerbook. I want to do the flash website I've been meaning to complete this weekend. The powerbook coupled with my 1.6ghz P4 Windows XP is the most computing power I have ever had. Should be a breeze to setup Maya (3D modeling software) with network rendering to share the rendering load between the two computers. I have good idea of what this website is going to look like. It will probably be the fanciest website I have ever designed. It should also get me the needed flash knowledge that people keep asking for. First ultamite game is today. I have the regular season schedule. Looks like I'll miss about 6 games through the month of July while I am in Venezuela. But I'll be back for August playoffs. Projects are moving slowly because of the job, but that is ok because I am still making some progress. I'll have the rest of the summer to work on then anyway.
In Windows when view a directory listing it shows the folders and files grouped together then each group in whatever order you specify. On Linux and Mac OSX is doesn't group the folders or files together in their respetive groups. It just gives you a listing in whatever order you specify with files and folders intermingled within the listing. I don't like that. It make more sense to organize it the Windows way. There are definately a few things Windows does better as far as UI goes in comparison to OSX. Most of them involve the retarded simplicity of OSX. It oversimplifies tasks in some cases and it makes then more tedious to do. Windows seems to have more in deepth customization options as a standard. Like I can't hit the delete key to move things to the trash sometimes. I have to right click and select move to trash. Actually that might be a compact keyboard issue on the powerbook. The most annoying thing is the rudimentry operation of the Finder in OSX. It is not nearly as featured as Windows Explorer. Finder is too basic, I need more control to do things faster. There are plugins that add funcationality so I will take a look at them. Moving files around in Finder is not as easy as Explorer. I am suprised that such an integral part of the OS is so bad. It is clearly inferior to both the windows and Linux equivalents.