Monday August 15, 2005 - 11:33AM EDT
Something that always puzzled me was calling Israelis who moved into occupied areas of Gaza and the West Bank "settlers". The reason it puzzled me was because when I think of settlers I think of unexplored land unihabited by humans being settled by humans. But as far as I know, all the land on earth has been discovered and just about all the land has been divided up through ownership. So when they say Israeli settlers, I get confused. It is just another characteristic of a already confusing situation.
Anyway, I need to do some work.
Sunday August 14, 2005 - 7:14PM EDT
It is fucking hotter here in Philadelphia than it was in Cabimas, Venezuela. That is no joke. Holy crap it has been hot. In other news. There is no other news. Everyone who reads this crap knows my life blows so make up your own fucking news for today. Go ahead I won't mind.
Saturday August 13, 2005 - 9:40PM EDT
Saw Wedding Crashers. That movie is freaking hilarious.
Saturday August 13, 2005 - 12:01AM EDT
I was on my way back from dropping something off at my parents house. I was very close to home when I passed a bar. It had what looked like an outdoor deck bar. The deck was bathed in an inviting blue neon light. It was hot as balls outside but it looked enjoyable. Like the loud oppressive music of some bars was kept indoors while outdoors all you could hear was the mumur of the people and clinking of glasses. I wanted to stop and have a drink or three. But I couldn't, I just couldn't. I had no reason not to, it seemed so relaxing. The thought of finishing the night by throwing a couple back in the pale blue neon light on the deck would have pleased me. Not even the stifiling heat could've ruined the enjoyment. But I didn't stop. Fear, always afraid. Of what, I don't know. Every once in a while its takes a day off, but today it was there. I just couldn't stop. So I went home.
As I closed the door behind me and took the key out of the lock I was greeted by darkness and the incessent dripping of the broken faucet in the kitchen. The empty house I live in where unless the TV is on all you hear is the blowing air from the AC or a fan. I went to the kitchen and tried to stop the dripping, but I couldn't. All three clocks in the kitchen read 11:15. Those clocks are never the same, someone must have changed them. Maybe it was me, I don't remeber. I turned off the kitchen light and walked in darkness upstairs to the bathroom. Did my usual nightly ritual or brushing teeth, removing contacts, washing face and went to my room.
TV is not on, won't turn it on either. So here I am recording worthless thoughts in a meaningless blog. Still afraid, still thinking about the pale blue light of the deck bar. Still wanting to feel the heavy hand of alcohol rest on my shoulder, easing my mind, if only for a little while. The only light in the room is from the laptop screen, the only sound is of the fan desperately trying the circulate the AC air from the solitary vent my the room. There is another sound. I hear crickets outside, barely audible but they are there. Fear's hand in what rests on my shoulders tonight. Fear of what, I don't know. Its always there, constantly reminding me of its presence. It doesn't go away. I want to do something about it. But there in nothing. Each day isn't new. Everyday is the same. I keep hoping that tomorrow will bring something new, something different, something great. It never does, but I still wait. Unsure whether my efforts or lack there of have any effect. Fear still tags along, I'm unable to seperate myself from it. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not. Tomorrow I'll wake up and everything will start all over again.
Friday August 12, 2005 - 7:18PM EDT
My blogs have been lacking lately. Ah well. Here is something fresh. Not new, but fresh. Actually I got nothing to say.
Wednesday August 10, 2005 - 2:48PM EDT
So I have an ultamite game today.
Tuesday August 9, 2005 - 10:27PM EDT
Did a good amount of website work today. Actually today was one of my more productive days in the grand scheme of things. I got website work and a few other things done. Only took an hour nap. Ha. But seriously, I woke up at 8am, started my routine at 9am. quick nap between 4:30 - 5:30pm. Played the new Madden 2006 for about 2hours, worked on website, gym, washed the car, worked on website. I was going to go to a bar, to have a couple of drinks, but website work ran over some and I got tired. So instead I am going to do an hour of streching, maybe have a screwdriver with sunny d, maybe pickup a movie from blockbuster then just go to sleep.
I'm sick of this bullshit. I have to do something different, this crap is pissing me off. Not the stuff I did today, but the stuff I do in general. AKA nothing. WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO WITH MYSELF TOMORROW. I could go back to work for that company. No I can't that is worse than what I do now. Tomorrow I have to do something different. If not tomorrow, then when? FUCK.
Tuesday August 9, 2005 - 9:39AM EDT
Bought a pair of new sneakers yesterday. It was about time. My old ones were seeing their last days. I got the new Rebook pump 2.0. Only $100. Which somehow is a good price for a brand new Pump senaker from rebook. Anyway, the thing has no laces and button on the outside to pump it up. YOu just turn a knob to turn it on or off and an actuator in the heel inflates the shoe as you walk. Take about 20 or so steps to fill up. It is actuall quit a comfortable shoe.
Monday August 8, 2005 - 11:26PM EDT
I just pulled out a nose hair and it was white. It was without any color whatsoever. That is weird.
Sunday August 7, 2005 - 11:10PM EDT
Rolled my right big toe playing ultamite barefoot today. I can barely walk on the foot. But I can actually run on it better than I can walk. Should be good enough to play by wednesday though. Doesn't seem that bad. Almost no swelling. Still have tendonitis in my left heel. It is not going away, although it is not as bad as before.
Sunday August 7, 2005 - 2:56AM EDT
This particular blog entry has nothing to do with the title of it. But the title reflects two things I have been thinking about today, although I don't think I'll cover any of those topics. Just came back from a wedding. Second one of my peers from high school that I still keep in contact with to get married. And the third one will be getting married in two weeks. Seeing these people get married feels weird. It is not just them getting married either. It is them having jobs and responsibilities. Accepting what life is giving them. While my head is still in outer space and I refuse to accept what life is giving me. Like right now for instance. I have a job offer from a decent company that would provided solid steady income. Yet I don't want to take it. I don't want to be the slave to the man. I still think I can beat the system, or something like that. I still have the dreams of a little kid. When I talk of building a spaceship, I am dead serious. It is not some kind of joke. Sure it is funny, but I want a got damn spaceship. Side note, George Bush may go down in recent history as the most disgracefully unprepared and unqualified president of my time. Its all or nothing. If I can't have my dreams then I don't want anything else. I don't want to accept what life gives me (there is a certain meaning with that goes along with that phrase that I don't feel like explaining right now). So what do I do. I continue what I have been doing. Giving the finger to THE MAN every chance I get and keep rolling the dice. It is not exactly dice rolling, but there may come a point where my delusions may begin to have irreversible effects. I also need to learn to spell "delusion" right. I use it so much but have spelled it so wrong so many times.
For sure I am not the slacker loser who doesn't do jack shit and lives in his parents' basement. I live in the loft. No but seriously, I can continue this shit for to long or I will be that fucker.
Saturday August 6, 2005 - 12:03PM EDT
One of the main reasons I don't like the current president is that he and his administration lies and tries to paint a rosy picture of bad situations. They are trying to get us to put on the rose colored spectacles. That is the worst part. Luckliy most aren't buying into his bullshit. There are still some ignorant assfucks who still support him, but not nearly as many as during the election. When I hear people who support him, it is because of his "values" or some duumb shit like that. There are so many things wrong with that it is not even funny. First off since when do americans care about "values" that is a load of garbage right of the bat. "Values" my ass, it is just an excuse to vote for a loser because the only other option is an even bigger loser. "Values" ha. Secondly, you can't decide the future of your country on the subjective judgment of "values". It is not like he ran against some inhumane tyrant, then values might have some merit but got damn, voting for such an unimpressive person because of his christian beliefs is ludicrous. Anyway, you know who I would like to see run against each other in the next election, other than the destruction of the two party system, I want to see Hillary and Arnold. Although they represent their respective parties they both have an individual aire to their politics. They seem to not be bullied by the majority and are much more strongminded than the last two election candidates. And I think people repect them for that, no matter what polls or the media may say about them straying from party lines damaging their chances. Besides I want to see strong candidates for president, I haven't seen one in my lifetime. Clinton was the only one really, but not really. He was just another governer convert. But Hillary and Arnold have been on the national stage much longer and everybody knows who they are, it would be interesting. And please no more talk of that inept scarecrow Condelezza Rice running for president.
Saturday August 6, 2005 - 2:16AM EDT
A while back I read a short article about how the banana was going to go extinct. The article didn't give much specifics, but it did mention that it was because of a certain type of disease that the common variety of banana we are used to would be wiped out. Bananas are an interesting food. Mainly because of how little the general public knows about this ubiquotous fruit. First off, the banana is a fruit originally from south east asia. Secondly, there are hundreds of varieties of bananas. Most people only know of and have eaten two or three types (the banana, the plantain, and those little bananas you see sometimes). If you want to read more about the banana consult your local library or pickup the August 2005 issue of popular science.
Well my point is, that the banana we know today is actually different from the banana prior to the 70's. They are actually two completely different varieties of bananas. I would wager that more the 95% of the population has no idea that this change took place. Maybe they notice a difference, but would have never attributed it to a different banana variety in stores. Ask your parents if bananas tasted different when they were a kid. They may not pay attention to the fact but then again they might think to themselves, yeah they are different from when I was a kid. It is not like dole or chiquita advertised in a big campaign that they replaced the bananas of old with a new variety. Anyway most of this is from the article in popular science. I thought it was interesting. I had no idea. It did always intrigue me that there were hundreds of varieties of bananas yet I have only ever eaten three of them. Being the exotic fruit lover I am. Damn that last sentence is pathetic.
Friday August 5, 2005 - 11:40PM EDT
Back in the states I am. Much to catch up on and comment on. I got a couple of nice shots for the banner pic on the main page of this site. Have to catch up with some other things first before I get back to blogging. Got damn that sounded pathetic. I am still a loser.
Friday July 22, 2005 - 8:41PM EDT
Well tomorrow we head to the beach. So since there is no internet there will probably be no blog again until August 5th.
I kind of enjoy the fact that I'm able to get a job make some money then quit and go have fun for a while.
I am going to do that sleep study when I get back to the states. It will be fun and will be profitable. Hopefully I will get selected.
Since my official spanish tutoring sessions ended I have actually studied much more. Must be something about class that irks me. I don't know.
Glass grapes on the table - comments(2)
Thursday July 21, 2005 - 12:40PM EDT
I took a picture of this big snail. But it was very blurry.
Thursday July 21, 2005 - 1:55AM EDT
I have a million thoughts in my head right now and I will only be able to record a few. First of is point of view. I know people who not neccesarily through any fault of their own have only seen things a certain way or been exposed to a certain point of view. Me, I would say that I have been exposed to more than the average person. When you have been exposed to many points of views they all become comical. When you see how different people view the same things in totally different ways neither point of view can be taken seriously. I'm not sure how to describe it but it is as if all points of view lose all seriousness. With some things no matter how fervent someones arguement is about something I just can't take them seriously, it becomes a game, a joke, surreal, when you know there is someone who is arguing just as fervently in a completely opposite direction.
I want to record these thoughts before they leave me. Why is it that whenever I like someone (for lack of a more eloquent way to put it) it seems to work out the opposite of what I'd like. Not only the opposite but completely contrary to anything that would even be slightly advantageous to me. Yet when I can't stand or could care less about someone I have to fight that crap of with a stick. WHAT THE FUCK! Will I ever get a break in regards to these things.
I knew before but it really didn't hit me until now. Learning a new language is like being a little kid learning to speak. Sure you can study and translate all you want but you'll never learn how to really speak like a normal person that way. You have to reconnect your feelings to strange new words. I heard of a man from holland back in medieval times who studied japanese furiously for years. He never went to Japan but when a japanese man came to visit him he could speak perfect Japanese. It was some dutch guy I think. Either the story is a complete fabrication or that man was one of the most intelligent people to walk this earth. I want to be that way, but fuck, learning another language is hard. It takes time. One would need at least 6 months to hear enough of the language to function properly and that is with intensive study outside of just being immerssed. But I think that in 6 months to 1 year anyone could learn to speak another language. That is it for this thought thread.
Crap, I forget the rest of my thoughts. To many at atime. To be able to express every thought and feeling in another language than your native tongue is an accomplishment. I think. And I mean everything. I attain a level of fluency equivalent to your native tongue. That is awesome.
I remember what the last thought was. When learning spanish, there is a certain verb tense that they say is never used in Latin American (2nd person, informal, plural). This verb tense is only used in certain parts of Spain. Well as it may be I happen to be from one of the only places in Latin America where they use this verb tense. No where else in Venezuela do they speak using this verb tense except where I am from. Weird. Even the other Venezuelans think it is weird. Not only do they use this verb tense but they use a derivative of it that is extremely old spanish that is never used comonly anywhere else. I probably should ask more about why and where else they may possibly use it but regardless it is still quite rare, I think. Como Estais, como estai.
Tuesday July 19, 2005 - 11:42PM EDT
That's it. I've decided, I am definately going to Japan for the year starting next summer. It is not a guarantee, as I do have to go through the whole interview process for the JET program but I think I'll make it. I got nothing else to do with myself. And I want to get Japanese down perfectly. Maybe though I'll come back to Venezuela for another month or two in the winter to nail down spanish. I am almost there. So close I am.
Monday July 18, 2005 - 8:51PM EDT
There is nothing better to build your confidence in a language than hanging out with a bunch of gringos of whom the majority's spanish is worse than yours. That is what I did today, hang out with some exchange students from the school I am taking classes at on a day trip to a national park. It is not a crack of anything on them, but when most of the time I've been around native speakers and my language is pathetic garbage compared to theirs it is a little different to meet people who suck as much as you do.
You know what else is funny. I am starting to remeber Japanese that I thought I had forgotten. I feel as if I could at least answer simple questions and describe simple things almost perfectly in Japanese without thinking about. It probably has something to do with the part of the brain that controls language. Probably been stimulated and has activated pathways that related to my knowledge of Japanese. The same thing can be said of my Chinese although I didn't study that as much as I did Japanese.
As for Spanish. I feel I am so close to at least being able to speak and understand with fludity. My accent is freaking horrible and some words because I don't put emphasis on the wrong letters are often not understood by who I am talking to. But if you just listen to how a native speaker pronounces it enough them you pick up the the right pronunciation pretty fast. I still have trouble rolling the r's on various words, but am better at others. Watching TV and listening to music helps a lot with getting the right pronunciation of things. Problem is rolling the r quickly. I can do it slowly, but stumble when trying to work it into fluid speech.
I think the more languages I learn the easier they become.
Monday July 18, 2005 - 8:19PM EDT
There is nothing better to build your confidence in a language than hanging out with a bunch of gringos of whom the majority's spanish is worse than yours. That is what I did today, hang out with some exchange students from the school I am taking classes at on a day trip to a national park. It is not a crack of anything on them, but when most of the time I've been around native speakers and my language is pathetic garbage compared to theirs it is a little different to meet people who suck as much as you do.
You know what else is funny. I am starting to remeber Japanese that I thought I had forgotten. I feel as if I could at least answer simple questions and describe simple things almost perfectly in Japanese without thinking about. It probably has something to do with the part of the brain that controls language. Probably been stimulated and has activated pathways that related to my knowledge of Japanese. The same thing can be said of my Chinese although I didn't study that as much as I did Japanese.
As for Spanish. I feel I am so close to at least being able to speak and understand with fludity. My accent is freaking horrible and some words because I don't put emphasis on the wrong letters are often not understood by who I am talking to. But if you just listen to how a native speaker pronounces it enough them you pick up the the right pronunciation pretty fast. I still have trouble rolling the r's on various words, but am better at others. Watching TV and listening to music helps a lot with getting the right pronunciation of things. Problem is rolling the r quickly. I can do it slowly, but stumble when trying to work it into fluid speech.