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Friday April 8, 2005 - 2:25AM EDT
It's raining outside but it is not that cold, but not warm enough.
It's raining outside but it is not that cold, but not warm enough.
Finally I get an interview. On Monday I have an interview with a recruiter. Ok, so a recruiter interview is not that good, god knows how many of those I've had, but it is something. Besides this company seems pretty small so they wouldn't waste time with fake interviews. It would be a 1 month gig, pretty close, only like a 10 minute drive. The rate is not all that great but I need something right now. The one month thing would actually probably work out for the best, I don't want to be at any place long term unless I really like it. It would only be a month so I could build up a decent cash cushion and continue working on the rest of my projects for the rest of the summer.
This is funny. Who lives like this? Taking short term high paying jobs so that I can goof off the rest of the year. It is kind of hilarious. NO, I am not goofing off, I am building an empire.
Productive day today. Didn't take a midday nap, for the second time in 3 days. That is a real accomplishment in my book. Should be warm again tomorrow and stay in the mid 50's and above from now on. Broke out the sandals today. I like imagining I am an unstoppable force that is totally unmatched by any who try and challenge me, yet unassuming and jovial in demeanor. Like Vash the Stampede and other types.
I've been sitting on the deck all day working on my laptop. Awesome weather. Do I really want to go back to working for THE MAN, or do I want to make these projects work. Fuck THE MAN. I've started jumping rope again. Much like when I was training to get my vertical higher. It worked great.
I am at my wits end with job searching. There is nothing out there and my projects are going nowhere. Recruiters just call to get my resume and never call back. I don't understand how I can't find a decent web development job. I know what all the other losers out there are capable of and it is pathetic. Who wouldn't want to hire me, fucking bastards. The cover letters I write must be terrible they just get worse and worse. I don't know what else to say to get a freaking interview. What does it take to be an animator, that is what I really want to do. Fuck, I'm hosed. To make myself feel better I am just going to assume that people won't consider me because I know too much and they know I will expose them as technofrauds.
One of my favorite episodes of Futurama is on. The one with the globetrotters and time skips. This is the funniest line
"Doomsday device? Now the ball is in Farnsworth's court. I guess I can part with one and still be feared."
I want to be a mad scientest that keeps doomsday devices so that I am feared for real, but also on a comedic level. Finally got back to working on the software. This enhanced version is going to be more difficult than I thought but I've begun work on it and it won't take me long to get a first version.
In the car driving tonight I was thinking about holography and it finally clicked. I now have an intuitive understanding of holography that I lacked before. I had read a few books on it (read 1 fully and skimmed though 2 or 3 others) a few years ago but didn't grasp the basic priciples fully. Now I get it, and it is awesome. It is almost too simple. The actual formulas and equations used to do precise calculations involved with holography may be difficult but the concept of what actually goes on is quite simple. And I understand why coherrent light is needed to make better holograms. I'll need to do more studying to confirm my understanding but having a grasp of the basic priciple without equations makes it much easier. I want to explore what type of experiments have been done with holography and what has been examined already. I remember reading a while back about realtime holography using sound waves and crystals. It was a pretty clever setup. One of the issues with creating quality holographs is that you need coherent light(light that is in phase and in step). Coherent light comes from lasers and so far laser light available in the visible light specture are common (red, blue, green). Red being the most common and easily made and the other colors being less common and more difficult to work with and for the average person to get their hands on(very expensive). Also there is the issue of the speed of light varying when different wavelength of light travel through a medium due to refraction. It makes it hard, but not impossible, to create full color holograms. One interesting thing I read about was using LCD screens to generate interference patterns and three different color lasers to generation full color full motion holograms. The would theoretically make it possible to create a hologram of anything without actually having to ever use the original object. I don't know what the status of such work is, but it would be very interesting. I'm not sure what type of calculations would be required to create holograms like that on the fly but they are probably exceedingly difficult to come up with, and probably no one has done it yet. But I firmly believe it is possible. Another interesting thing with holography is the lasers thing. Since you need coherrent light to create good holograms lasers are the only reliable source. But with coherent light the wavelength is in a very narrow part of the spectrum, making full color difficult, as I stated before. Something that they have tried for years to make is the X-ray laser. I hear the first once will be completed in 2009. X-Ray lasers are interesting because coherent x-rays can make holograms of tiny structures. One could, in full 3D, view the structure of cells, chemicals and many other nanoscale things. Maybe even eventualy lead to nanoconstruction by engineers using realtime x-ray holograms to build tiny devices. There are probably a lot of issues surrounding x-ray holography for everyday biological purposes but with more research it may be feasible. Right now the intensity of an x-ray laser will probably instantly kill you, lasers work by exciting electrons until they jump to the next energy level then releasing energy in the form of light(coherent light) when the drop back down.
I woke up at 8:30am today and began working dilligently at 9am (after the usual morning rituals, ie:bathroom, food, farting). At 10:45 I went to The Gap and got a pair of jeans. Now I am back working for a couple hours until it is time to workout.
There is no way I keep this up for more than a day or two.
I'm going to try something else to see if I can conquer this time management(laziness) problem. I figure it is the only thing holding me back. Today I actually stayed awake for 12hrs straight. That doesn't happen to often. If I mix in a healthy amount of leaving the house for constructive reasons, not going to sleep at 5 am everynight and actually doing work on a daily basis I should be able to accomplish a lot. In reality I've been able to get some things done but not enough. I feel like right now I should have three major web based applications/websites complete and have a decent amount of customers for each of them. Nothing huge, but have a solid start, I have to stop playing loserball.
A note about the previous poll. Well the results showed that I should become the raving lunatic on the street corner. Well, there is good news. I am happy to inform those who voted that I am well on the path to raving lunatic on the street corner. Thanks for all your support.
Today is cold, but the weather calls for 70 one day this coming week.
I like this post a lot. here. This is my favorite part
I used to be a nice guy. What did that get me? 21 years of my right hand and softcore porn on Showtime. So, fuck it. Fuck it entirely. I'm not going to try to meet women and get to know them, and to hell with the phone calls at one in the morning. Next time you start bitching to me over the fact that he hasn't called in a week, I'm just going to smile at you and say "Ok." In fact, maybe, I'll tell you to call him. Better yet, go over to his house, and drop your pants for him right this moment. Save us all some time. I feel the desire to be that good, dependable, caring friend slipping rapidly away.
I like this one too. here This is my favorite part.
This should come as no surprise to you, if you've read anything else on this site. I mean, I had sort of stopped trying before, but now I'm really out. I can't deal with women and the games anymore. You think they're interested in you, and you ask them out on a date, only to have her respond "eh" when you suggest you should see each other more ofter (yes, that is a true story, and oh, don't even get me started on it). Or you think they're interested, you ask them out on a date, only to have them invite other friends and then act all surprised when you go to pay for dinner (again, a true story). Or, you ask them on a date and you come to find out she isn't thinking of it as a date at all.
This post is also clutch. here. I like this part.
If you're a recovering nice guy, and you want to be an asshole, listen up. I'm going to tell you exactly how. By the time you're finished, you'll have people cursing you behind your backs, and women secretly wanting to sleep with you. It's a little process I like to call "The Asshole Reformation". Goals: to take the spineless, beat up, broken down nice guys of America and turn them into emotionally unavailable, rude, inconsiderate, boorish jerks. Y'know, the kind of guy everyone loves, as opposed to walking over. But men, you have to be serious about this. You can't pretend to be an asshole to avoid getting squashed. No no, it must be genuine. You can't secretly care what other people think of you - you have to truly not give a flying fuck. Yes, the irony here is thick and creamy, I know, but what can I tell you? Life sucks.
I need to get back to postings like those(when I was at MBNA and had people and experiences to make fun of) instead of these depressing introspective garbage.
I need to drink more, it numbs the pain and makes my pshycological and emotional disturbances less affective of my mood.
So, I've been working out pretty heavily (relatively) the past two months or so and I am stronger than I have ever been. I've been lifting regularly since January, but only in the past few months have went really hard.
Does anyone remeber when Joe Namath was drunk on sunday night football on ESPN and Suzy Kolber was interviewing him and he kept saying he wanted to kiss her. That shit was hilarious.
So, today I went to the liquor store and said to myself "I want to try something new." Who goes to a liquor store and says that? I got a bottle of Southern Comfort and some kind of absinthe knockoff.
I always hated the lack of study in world history beyond western Christian based societies. The focus in middle and high school was always western history. I felt and still feel cheated by such a moronic monolithic approach to studying history. Its disgusting.
I was playing around with my digital camera and special effects software and I've come up with something cool.
As I was just lying awake in bed, as I do most every night, I was just thinking. I hated middle school, high school and college with a passion that rivals my one to build a spaceship and become a space bounty hunter. I can't think of any long or short period of time where I haven't been depressed and disappointed. I've been depressed and disappointed with life almost my whole freaking life. With no end in sight.
Well my adventures in becoming a girlie man took a turn for the worst today. After a late meal of eggwhites at the local diner I decide to head to the 24hr supermarket to pickup some toner. Yes you heard me toner. Not the kind you use in printers, the stuff you soak a cottonball with and stroke your face. I had run out of my usual Neutrogena Alcohol Free Toner so I needed more. As if it isn't bad enough that I am in a supermarket at 1:30am looking for facial toner I get upset because this particular supermarket doesn't seem to carry that brand of toner. Undeterred I start searching for a different brand, sometihng alcohol free of course because that crap drys out my already sensitive skin. So, what do I spy but another brand of alcohol free toner from Nivea Visage. Great I think, I pick up the bottle and prominently displayed on the front is that this toner contains chamomiel and aloe vera. Awesome more skin softening ingredients. I then noticed that the bottle was pink...pink. I put down the bottle and leave the supermarket. Now let us never speak of this again.
You know what I hate, national sovereignty. I'll be so glad when the world is not organized into nation states.