IPOD Nano on my desk

Wednesday November 30, 2005 - 1:44AM EDT

Tonight I am calm. These periods of calm are very few and don't last very long. The longest I think one lasted was about 2 weeks. Then its back to mania and depressive flux. Am I bipolar? I don't know, maybe, I don't really take that question seriously but maybe I should. I demonstrate pretty much all the symptons and have been for a number of years now. But symptons doesn't really mean bipolar. I've hit real extremes. I think I just got better and managing the states. Even my calm is extreme. I only think of the manic depressive thing because there are times that feel normal and its very different feeling from most other times. I can focus, accomplish things and my mind dosn't jump from thought to thought as much. I try to find triggers or things to keep the extremes in check. Its different every time though. I guess I lead a reasonably stable life so I can't possibly be bipolar. I'd think real manic depressive wouldn't be able to... Wait do I really live a reasonably stable life. I've never held a 9-5 job longer than 8 months. But I have clients that I've worked with for years. I just don't like it when I feel normal then it gives way to mangled thoughts and lack of focus. Ah well. At least it is warm outside.