Hollywood

Sunday March 27, 2005 - 2:55AM EDT

I tend to pooh-pooh extravagance and strict heiarchies in my general thoughts about things, thinking that it is an unnecessary consquence of general human behavior that may eventually lessen, but not now. I guess I can't say that I wouldn't act the same if I had the means or was in certain situations where it was the common behavior. With my theoretical disdain for extravagence stated I think that I'm extremely attracted to it. I want to make movies and want people to watch them. The way I go to the movie theater all the time and constantly rent movies and become mesmorized by the final product on the screen I can't think of anything else I'd want to do more. I live in my own fantasy world anyway so why not do it for a living. As with most things there are strings attached and there are plenty of strings in Hollywood. I want to say that I am purely attracted to making movies and that the fame and money that can go along with it is something I can do without. I want to say that but I can't with any real confidence, I want lots of people to watch my movies, I want people to love my movies. I already think I am the best, although it is not apparent in my actions sometimes. I want to be the best, I want the inferior fools to bow before my greatness so that I can know that they are just as pathetic as me. Weird? I have this thing where I think I am the best and the worst at the same time. So I want to simultaneously rise up to the standard of everyone else and bring them inline with mine and disregard the existence of those who won't cooperate on either part.

I always hate how everyone always wants "experience" when hiring for jobs, it becomes overemphasised in cases. Or that age old "paying dues" nonsense that bitter fucks like to use. In my brief study of Ghengis Kahn (i read like 3 books on him) I like the fact that all the books, they mention that Temujin (that was Ghengis Kahn's real name, Ghengis Khan actually means grand ruler or something in Mongolian) was keen to not discriminate against age, because he thought experience can always be attained by anyone but talent was a rare find. One of his top generals was only 18. I just makes me angry that some people harp on experience and put up this aire of mysterious difficulty in doing the job that you cannot understand, when in reality anyone can do it. I guess it must make them feel good to think that they are special and that no one else couldn possibly do what they are doing and that someone they have perfected it to the utmost.

No new movies out that I want to see, waiting for the summer movie season to start for some interesting flicks.