Removal, Government, Depression

Tuesday March 15, 2005 - 8:29PM EDT

I removed the Now Playing section as it thoroughly sucked ass. I must check email at least 100 times a day. Seems like every 30 seconds I am clicking the send/receive button to see what new mail I've gotten. 90% of the time there is nothing. I've already done it twice since writing the first sentence. And there is nothing. I woke up this morning and though, today will be better. I was wrong today was the same as yesterday. I try to change things up, adjusting my attitude doing different things, but it always winds up the same, me sitting here writing in the blog. I didn't get shit done today, I was just too depressed. I did partially catch up on my finances in Quicken, though I still have two accounts to reconcile. I got a new recyle bin and finished shreddeding the pile of old bills and papers that has been sitting in my room for the past month.

Speaking of recyle bin. I went to the township administration building and when I walked in it had that same government office smell that is in all government offices. It also had the tenured old lady workers who manage to carry on extraneous conversations with their fellow tenured old lady collegues while assiting you with whatever you need. It must be some kind of superpower they have. They can assist you with whatever and never skip a beat in their conversations with each other about this person and what that person did. But usually they are all very polite unless it is a government building that has to do with parking enforcement or the DMV. I've never been to a parking enforcement office that wasn't populated with hard-asses.

I'd go see a movie but that is only a brief escape from the blank reality. I wish I lived in the city, that way I could go to a bar and get drunk, pass out on the counter, they would throw me out and at least I could walk home. When I get depressed I sleep a lot, which is not good because it does nothing I just wake up feeling like I've wasted even more of my life by sleeping the past 2 hours. I just checked email again. I must have replied to over 200 job postings in the past few months. And I've gotten one callback. The only calls I get are from the odd recruiter going through searches on various job sites, never from positions I actually replied to. My replied vary from having well thought out cover letters to...who gives a fuck, the whole job application process is bogus anyway, most recruiter and people who hire for technology are idiots and don't hire even know what the job requires. I did get one job offer, for someplace that was an hour and half drive, that was in clear traffic, it would take two for rush hour. Was only paying $25/hr for that long ass commute and the $200/week gas cost that comes with it. It was also the dumpiest most depressing looking work place I've ever seen. Big ass call center right across from some shitty apartments that look like the place I used to live when I was 7 years-old. They did telemarketing for cable companies, I couldn't think of a more horrible place to work. In two weeks it would have probably have been the worst workplace killing spree in the history of the United States. When I arrived in the parking lot for the interview I didn't even want to go inside, I just wanted to leave and never come back. People were nice though, I can't say anything bad about them. It just looked like a place where losers go to finish the rest of their pathetic lives. Maybe I should have taken the job.

I don't know what to do with myself right now so I'll just continue to type. I am listening to my Frou Frou cd as background ambience. It is actually rather happy music for someone so depressed. I have my third glycolic peel treatment on thursday, they don't seem to be helping I still have those annoying skin discoloration acne scar spots all over my face, I hate that shit. I'll finish all six treatments before I come to a verdict though.

I hate this cold weather. I get so depressed that I don't even want to drink. I've seen all the movies I want to see already, though I'd like to see Constantine again. King have been a slow movie season. Constantine was the only movie I was really excited about seeing in the past few months. There have been some entertaining movies no doubt but few that get me excited about going to the movies. Mainly because it is the same tired formula. Like that movie Hostage, it may be good, but I don't want to see it, because I already did when it was called Die Hard. I've seen that kind of movie too many times already, give me something different. This is kind of the same thing with Million Dollar Baby, which was a good movie, but it doesn't make me want to get up and see it. It was the same movie formula that is always out there, albeit one that was done extremely well. Sometimes I though you could rely on foreign films to provide something different, but not recently. Motorcyle Diaries which I heard was good, but it isn't ground breaking it looks like your standard biopic. Even the comic book translation genre is begining to age. That movie Sin City just doesn't look all that interesting, I'll see it but I am not expecting much. First of all personally I don't like a visually muddled picture and that is what the trailers make it look like. Even though it is supposed to be completely enhanced by computer animation the shots from the trailer make it so you can barely see the details in what is happening. I would have thought in a comic book adaptation that is what makes it interesting, the minute details and how the film makers represent them, because when you read comics you have to imagine them yourself, movies are supposed to present you with the complete world already, no need to imagine anything. Other times you see a movie simply for who is in it. Sometimes the movie sucks other times you are plesantly surprised. Collateral was an interesting movie that was a little different and made me want to see it. I can't think of a movie like it. I'm just in a bad mood I don't know what I am saying about these movies, I'll revisit at a later date. Just checked email again. Nothing.