Been a while

Friday February 6, 2009 - 4:39AM EDT

Since I wrote a post. Got the job and I have moved. Didn't actually get the original job but another one, a better one I think.

It has been a few weeks but from the first day I moved it felt as if I always lived here. Maybe I just never felt at home where I was living before. I already feel like I have been living here for a while. It doesn't feel strange or different. Maybe because I am still alone and depressed so that didn't change.

I am over my head in work right now. So many things to do. Ever since I started doing freelance something on the side since the start of college I've always had something extra on the side to manage and in those 10 years of doing stuff like that I still haven't figured out how to handle it. There are things that I want to do and things that I have to do and at times they are not one in the same. I suppose I can't complain too much at least I have something to do.

My new situation is very stressful though. It seems as if all my work crashed on me at the same time. And it could disappear just as fast too. For once though I enjoy an office job though. That is a plus. If I hated my office job I think I would have to kill myself or something drastic like start playing ice hockey. If I hated my office job and had all this freelance work it would not be a good situation. I barely drink so that wouldn't be my vice. I don't know what I would do to cope. I couldn't it would be bad.

I'm in love too, did I mention that. I don't know how or why it happened now. I am sick with it. It is disgusting. What is even worse is that I am alone in it. There is nothing more wearing than being in love alone. It eats away at yourself until there is nothing left. What is even worse is that this person loved me before and I was too stupid to reciprocate what she needed. I don't know if I can survive another period of alone in love. This could be it for me, I'll just curl up into myself and withdrawl. Be one of those dudes you whisper about when you see you don't even feel sorry for, you just look at because they are weird and don't participate in life.

She is so wonderful and although we have our differences it doesn't matter I still love every part of her.

I love her so much and there is nothing I can do about it except let it eat away at me. I am going to go cry in the corner now.